This week, all I work is overnight shifts. Alone. I will be my own master. The only one I have to worry about is myself. The only one that will have demands of them while I work is myself. No other unpredictable variables included.
And because of the overnight shifts and my school schedule, I will hardly interact with my housemates at all as well, or pretty much everyone else, for that matter. Which is awesome, at this point…
Peace. Quiet. No stress but my own self-generated neuroses. No yelling, no cutting remarks or criticism, no destruction or irrational behavior I have no control over, no waiting, no disappointment. I will be my own master and I will have no one to blame but myself if I still fail.
Today, I’m going to clean because cleaning makes me feel in control of my life and clean environments are un-chaotic and aesthetically pleasing and smell nice and so it soothes me.
Tomorrow, I will likely be going to an eye appointment and, who knows? Maybe I will get contacts.
I will be a hermit this week. I will love and nurture and look after myself. I trust no one else with this at all.
I will ignore everything else, for sanity’s sake.
What I can’t control, I will let go of. What I can control, I will dominate like the BAMF I can sometimes be.
Because I only choose to be an gentle soul, because I know just what I am capable of otherwise.
This week is going to be a sort of meditative vacation in which I get my life back on track and let go of all the hang ups and other things that have been tying me down. I will be ambitious and selfish and aloof. I will do things that please me just because I’m a sentient, needy emotional being and I can.