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Things that have happened in my life lately:
A month or so ago, I passed the PCTE, which is the exam the PTCB officiates that allows me to have a certificate as a pharmacy tech.
Three weeks ago, I started on 2mg estrogen hormones, a sort of HRT for my PCOS. I also started taking B-complex and pro/pre-biotics.
A week ago, I got my first hepatitis B shot, and I either got the flu at the same time or had a bad reaction to it; I missed a week of school and exams because of that.
And finally, this last Saturday morning, in the wee hours of the night, my elderly client passed away. She was ready to go, so whatever emotional attachment I had is overwhelmed by the notion that this was the best possible thing for her. Meanwhile, I am going to make it clear to my agency that I don’t want anything permanent. I’ll pick up odd jobs through them until I land my pharmacy tech job, which means I’ll have more time to spend with Jess, work on the house, catch up on schoolwork, and go on dates until that new job happens. I have a stockpile of savings, so I can afford to do this for a little while. I will take advantage of this little extra breathing room.
This means I only worked one day this last week, and this has by far been the laziest 10 days of 2013 for me. I DID clean out one of the spare rooms yesterday; soon I will finish the job by removing all unnecessary hardware, slapping paint on the walls, and tearing out the carpet; eventually I will construct a loft bed/desk combo under which will be my personal nook in the house in which I will be productive and shit.
And now, it is time to work on shit again. This has been an announcement and a post. Thank you.
1.) Master Organic Chemistry:
-Master enough organic chemistry to pass my next chem test.
-Have you ever seen O-chem?
-Have you fucking seen this shit?
-This is the first time in YEARS a subject in school has made me feel profoundly cognitively challenged.
-This shit is HARDCORE. D:
…answering business ethics questions in the online discussion board for your BCIS class makes you feel incredibly overly logical and incredibly chaotic neutral. Or maybe lawful neutral (hey, it could be a thing!). Something like that.
Because I think business practices, morals/ethics, and the law are three related yet distinctly different concepts. It is possible for someone to violate one of those without violating the other two, or two without violating all three.
Also? I sound like a bloody antisocial. Blahblahblah play the field don’t get caught depends on who’s in charge blahblahblah. Or maybe a lawyer? Yeah.
Of course, I’m very cynical about business in general so perhaps no one on here should dare take me seriously to begin with, ahaha.
I’ve got shit to do and I’m not getting any of it done.
I mean, I’m just sitting here looking at all the tasks I have to do and I’m like:
Okay okay okay okay.
LET’S DO THIS.
The only class I really find even moderately interesting right now is A&P. That’s a given. Because at least I enjoy and can nerd out on some of the science.
But this damn computer class, which is really just a software-focused business class, is KILLING me with all of these droll people-gutting money-making rob-me-of-my-humanity schemes.
This class represents everything in this world that I am NOT. This class sums up, in a few hours a week each semester, why I am NOT a business major and never have and never will consider being a damn business major. Because to me, people matter more than money.
Reading this damn book and answering these damn questions is like subjugating myself to the sounds of nails on the chalkboard for hours on end. I just want to groan and roll over in my chair again and again and again. My brain cells are screaming and dying.
So I have to remind myself that this is just a stupid core class and I simply need to trudge right through it. Once I’m done with this shit, I don’t have to visit it again.
Also? Yes, I don’t feel the need to have oodles and oodles of money. But money is indeed important to me, to some extent (I could live more than a comfortable life on just about $40,000/year and I KNOW I would feel kind of silly making more than $100,000/year because at that point I’d start to have more money than I’d know what to do with). I’d be lying if I said that a better income isn’t one of the reasons I’m geared towards nursing now, instead of the arts. I’d be lying if I told people the main (and at this point the only viable) reason I will be leaving my current job by the end of the summer isn’t in order to make more money.
So this class represents yet another unpleasant task I have to accomplish in order to secure my future. Just one. More. Unpleasant. Thing. If I think of it that way, I’ll get through it.
BUT. THIS. CLASS. TEACHES. EXACTLY. THE. KIND. OF. BULLSHIT. THAT I WANT TO BURN. AND. FORGET. THE MOMENT I TAKE THE DAMN FINAL.
FUCK THIS SHIT.
*throws books across room*
*looks guilty and retrieves book, smoothing out the creases and shit*
In other news, I think I’ve decided to bury myself in my work (in my current life goal, my plans for the summer, and my homework) in order to mentally run the hell away from all of the unresolvable emotional funk that is threatening to creep right the fuck up on me, at this very moment. Nonono, you stupid feelings, you. I’m not listening. I’ve got money concerns, plans to make and carry out, classes to study for, doctors to visit and get prescriptions from in order to keep things like you at bay. I’m busy, busy, busy, so stay the hell away from me!
You, sir, are very lame. That was probably single-handedly the best moment of this class yet and you had to shit all over it. Annnnnnd I’m missing the World Series right now just to attend your stupid class. Very, very lame. You’re pretty much ruining my evening by being a loony old codger running a rather pointless class. >:(
I know I’m being immature and grumpy, okay? Okay.
Got mah coffee? Yah! Headphones in, textbook out! And holla!
I am about to attempt sleep, I think. Considering how I feel it shouldn’t be too hard to fall asleep. I’ve been stupidly tired all frikin’ day.
But in case I can’t I have three different shows I wouldn’t mind watching eps of on Hulu/Youtube: Heroes, Angel, and My Little Pony (I know, quite a combo, haha, right?!).
Tomorrow I’m going to the doc some time right after noon and and will be getting more stuff done.
Hopefully I’ll be able to work this weekend.
I want to be able to work this weekend.
I’m already getting antsy just missing one day of work.
Please let me be okay by this weekend!
Ahem, and then my other plan for tomorrow is to take it easy while also doing some of my schoolwork… so I, you know, don’t have to worry about it later.
I’ll also be sleeping in a little tomorrow morning. Because apparently I can.
My class in Gainesville (and hour’s drive NORTH of my home!) is so incredibly country that it almost hurts.
Gainesville smells like dusty industrial carpet and old, spit-soaked clarinet reeds. And hay. And gasoline.
Today my teacher compared types of polysaccharides to different kinds of fencing (cyclone versus barbed wire, etc.) for keeping the animals in. LOL I CANNOT.
And now I’m about to go to a DEVELOPMENTAL PSYCHOLOGY CLASS in Corinth. And the funny thing about psychology classes: they always seem to end up heavily flavored by the manner or specialization of the professor’s private practices/research outside of class.
This dude owns a sports psychology clinic, so every third phrase of his is a deadpan serious uttering of: “well, when I had my samurai training…”
I SHIT YOU NOT.
SCHOOL, YOU SO FUNNY.
KEEP IT UP.
What, do I look old or smart or bored or well-adjusted or something? What is it? How am I fooling you?
And already she is deviating from her own damn syllabus by adding -get this- EXTRA work. Repetitive, tedious, tedious frikin’ work.
EDIT: HOKAY, I THINK I’M DONE FOR NOW. NOW, TIME FOR A FRIKIN’ NAP!
Gonna spend the next thirty minutes drinking coffee, posting shite, and rationalizing my need to do my homework and finally get some more sleep.
School, it’s only the second week and already you are frustrating me!
I don’t even know.
And apparently, I really suck at this whole “warm, social human being with family and all kinds of obligations and ties” thing. Really, I do. I guess I’m just a horrible person like that. Or a mildly social hermit who occasionally surprises people by walking down that mountain into town and showing that she genuinely cares. Something like that.
Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go meditate and detox my brain for about half an hour before I get back to working on various things. Like cleaning, and schoolwork, and attempting to write down every little thing I need to remember, including those presumed preemptive social obligations of mine. :P Basically just attempting to be an adult, productive, well-adjusted member of so-called society…
Because I can’t remember ANYTHING. WHAT is WRONG with my BRAIN?!
Because I seem to function better if I take a step back and stop caring so much about failing at everything. I just get by better when I’m silly.