Yesterday someone suggested to me that what I really want in my life for a partner is a nurturer. Someone who is outrageously emotionally giving.
Not quite true.
I am my own nurturer, for starters…
I also don’t need someone who is rich or fantastic in bed, although someone who is financially stable is nice because I don’t have to worry about them and yes, when I am ready, sex would definitely be great because I like the idea of the intimate connection. But I can provide for myself in both of those areas already (and I’m getting even better at it all!), no problem. So yeah, bragging about those things in my presence as if those things matter most really doesn’t count for shit.
I don’t need someone to put bandaids on me or make me soup or any manner of random shit, either. In fact, there’s very few people who would actually be capable of getting me to do ANYTHING if I so happened to be on my death bed and they were crazy enough to attempt to take care of me. And those are, amusingly, the people I know and trust well enough to genuinely feel that humbled, humiliated and ashamed around…
Actually, wait. I just hit on the real point here. Trust. As sad as it may seem to some, I need to be with a girl who knows how to make me feel safe. And by that I mean more emotionally, spiritually, psychologically safe, and I’m placing less emphasis on a physical sort of big-walls-made-of-boulders safe. Because physically-speaking? I can easily protect myself, if I need to or absolutely have to.
All I really want is someone I can really let my guard down around. Someone I can truly allow myself to be vulnerable with, and to not be afraid when I do so. Someone who might see the ickiest and darkest parts of me without flinching. Someone who will love me anyway.
THAT’s what I want in that certain other person. A safe place. A shelter. A home.
I just want someone I can really TRUST.